Hi, this was the thread I meant to post in previously. Now that there are more responses I think I'll add more. First, by reading my previous posts, you can see how I can identify somewhat with your wife, if in fact she feels like your parents were getting involved in your relationship--from her actions I believe it's safe to say she is. As far as her blaming your parents for your being violent *I have to say here too I am sorry you had to suffer through that as a child* ; if you look at statistics they are partially (here's a link for you
http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/184894.pdf) though it does not excuse what you did (it looks as though you know that already though).
Back to my point though, as you can see from my previous posts, I avoided a marriage I would have loved to have had because my boyfriend just could not cut the apron ties from his mother and grow up to be a man. I was not going to take that, what woman does not want a real man who can handle his owb life? I can tell you from my side it was invasive and a bit sick at times, this may or may not be how your wife feels.
Also, has your mother ever done anything to your wife for her to be so threatened by her? That would change the situation as well. If my boyfriend's mother had ever done or said anything to me--I can be assured he would have taken HER said and not believed it. It just seems like there is something she's frightened of in this situationm not to mention the other things you pointed out in your post such as your separation and the violence. That's a lot to heap onto one person, perhaps like the previous poster said, it will take time...but it will also take a lot of understanding and prayer-- not just for her but for you as well. Good luck