Thank you Kissingfish, I really appreciate your response and concern.
Though I know I did something VERY WRONG and I was already getting help for this, with things I was concerned like medication and therapy I had changed a bit till that point, and ever since the separation even more.
I am tried to deal with the situation of my wife/mother issue, and it seems to me like every time I would bring this up it would be to defend my mother or that I was siding with my mother rather than my wife, and I never wanted to give that impression, just to find out what was going on and I'll explain why:
After I had met my wife and married her I explained her that I had some deep wounds with my parents, that I wasn't happy at them or being around them and that she should probably get used to the idea of her not getting to know them or our children for that matter. She, in a healthy way tried to push me towards having some sort of conversation with my family in Europe, periodically I'd start talking to my mom on the phone again and eventually I started talking to my father again, which was very hard for me. I got used to it and everything was moving smoothly, we kept regular contact, I'd say something like once a month or every three weeks we'd talk on the phone then IM or whatever.
In December 2005 We had decided to go to Ireland to see my Grandfather whom I dearly loved and had great respect for, and then take a tour through the rest of the country side... All hotels and everything were already arranged, when my Grandfather said, well you came here to Europe you might as well go spend Christmas with your mom and family in Spain. So we felt we could do that and no one could say no to the old man, we did and had a somewhat ok time, I felt homesick and all that... I was somewhat irritable during a period of time, because going back to Europe I saw a lot of things that I missed and wanted to go back to and probably caused a bit of head aches during our vacation... Anyways, we flew back to Ireland for a day or two then back to the US. Everything seemed fine now, though the only thing that had changed is that now we had a greater bond between my family and I. We spoke of plans, future etc... Some things it was hard to figure out if my wife was ok or uncomfortable but you could only guess... My wife isn't the best at communicating her feelings, which has also become an issue because things and feelings keep coming up from God knows when in what situation, and it makes me feel betrayed or misinformed sometimes.
So yeah I did probably stick together to my parents, my father promised wealth, future and care while here in the US, I was working in a factory making $11 and my wife barely able to scratch $9, we were living at my in laws for our second year, so whilst I might understand that she felt I was kind of hooked up in my mother's apron, I have to say I did not see much of a future here anyways.
April '06 my wife gets pregnant, because my Grandfather is old about 91 years old we decide to phone my parents and spread the news on my side of the family (Europe)with only one month in to the pregnancy, we keep it low profile here (you know still living at the in laws...) We decide we really need to move out of there and we decide to announce it as soon as we move out. Her parents one night at dinner ask her if she's pregnant, while I'm about to join them. They find out, and all of a sudden not only we wanted to move out but felt rushed to move out, we were out by June 24th with not enough time to look for a decent place (when we sign the lease for a $975 dollar a month duplex making the money that I said above)
My neighbor offers me a job and trade I take which I currently have and start making more money. My wife would stop working as soon as she delivered and wasn't certain on what to do with herself at this point, I give her the option to stay at home and take care of our daughter, that she may cover some expenses with unemployment, when the six months of unemployment are done, she can contribute with her stock money. And I'm not talking about being in a relationship where 50/50 had to be paid but anything I couldn't cover she could take over which wasn't that much.
Overtime starts, with it I get home exhausted after 50 and 55 hour weeks, I sit in front of the PC playing games or trolling on forums, I am being selfish yes, I know I am wrong to do this and not proud. The relationship deteriorates because of my gaming addiction and lack of help. We had an encounter in which I was tired of her yelling at me and not giving me space, so in a rage I got up and broke a chair, which only escalated to her screeching and yelling and swearing at me, I was ashamed and intimidated, remember that my neighbor next door aka my boss could probably hear all the yelling, so I grabbed my wife by the arm and told her to stop, she knows I'm getting violent now so she attempts to go upstairs, I come behind her and grab her, then I pull her down and put my hand in her mouth asking her to stop yelling, according to her I was strangling her, that was never reported or dealt with... Please have in mind though I started the paragraph about the hours I was working I don't blame my behavior on anything else but me.
January 03 we have our daughter, with it come the sleepless nights, she can stay at home I get up at 3 am and go to work, making enough money to support most of the expenses I am a happy daddy, nothing made me happier than to be able to provide for my family and go home and have them waiting for me after a hard day at work... However I still dedicate a lot of time to the PC, more than I should to the family, though a couple of arguments here and there I want to dedicate my focus on something positive, so I go to a psychologist and try to figure out if I have ADD or any learning disabilities, they examine my coconut, and the Doc comes one day saying, Ryan you are fine, you can go to school, however you seem to have some anxiety disorders and by the initial test you took here it seems that you were abused when you were a kid. Would you like to talk about it? - so then they schedule me with a psychiatrist and therapist and start getting help on my anger, anxiety etc and that's where you picked up the rest.
Now briefly going back to mother/wife issue... I get confused, my wife hugs my mother and everything seems fine right up till when she leaves in the airport to go back home, once she is gone and we get home I find out she rips on my mother with her sister through yahoo IM, claiming that my mother had been very pushy about us moving to Europe, and my wife was taken advantage of my mother at a time when my wife was vulnerable and fragile because she was depressed because she couldn't get a job. So fine, forget that.
When I got arrested and brought to jail for this battery I had recently 2 months ago, and I got out my mother called me worried and explained me that my wife told her everything, but she also added, Your son is the way he is because of the way you raised him and abused him... Basically calling my parents a failure for everything they did, something I wouldn't of done myself and I had more right to than anyone else... and my wife had nothing to gain nor loose from saying that but just opening a can of worms. If she did I'd like to know what you think... Forget that too.
Now, my mother used to be able to watch pictures of our daughter on a flickr account, and my wife erased her permissions to see their only grand daughter, when I asked her why would she do such thing, she said "I'm afraid that your parents might photo shop a picture of our daughter and make a fake passport and kidnap her to Europe". My jaw hit the floor here, I am not trying to protect my parents but just rationalize and be civil and instead of having boundaries drawn all I see it's either all or nothing kind of attitude.
There's probably more about my parents that I havn't said but I am dealing with that know and on how to face some of the things they did to me or how should I talk to them or if at all.
But so far I am careless about some things right now.
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