[silentpoet]

As for my struggles with being single there are two issues that kind of go together. The two issues are unbelief and lust/sexual temptation. I am only a man with the God given urges natural to a man. I need sex, but as a single Christian I have no outlet for this need. There is no Godly way to express or satisfy this aspect of myself.

In not satisfying that need I am denying myself. I think that is an act of worship. But I feel like a fool when it feels like I am the only person left trying to save something for marriage. I see all these people out there in the world having sex and I am honestly jealous.

Now the unbelief grows out of the need for a woman. And I mean on more than a sexual level. I am talking about the deep needs seated at the center of my heart. On Feb 10 or 12, 2005 I was lead by a spirit of prayer to pray very particular prayers in this area. I prayed as I fell asleep and as I woke up. I prayed approximately every 5 minutes that day or even more often than that. And these were prayers prayed with faith. I was very excited and hopeful. But since then things have not gotten better that I can see. I don't really have much evidence that God is answering those prayers.

Now there are some things like the house I am getting and my jobs that I have been blessed with. Those might be preparation for God to bless me and answer those prayers, but they are not direct evidence of those prayers being answered. So it is a struggle for me to hold onto the promise inherit in that day of prayer.

In part I went looking for the house out of response to how I felt God leading me. It was what I could do to be ready for a wife. It was my part of the task or bargain or whatever you want to call it. And I think God indicated to me tonight that my struggles with temptation and holding on as much as I can to the promises of God are also my part in all this. So maybe my struggles in all this are the key to God's opening up the flood gates of blessing.