Refuge...

Often when I'm struggling with a matter, stressed, tired, hurting, I act less than human, I go off into my "cave" as a wounded animal, and "lick my wounds" and insulate myself with walls that are no more breachable than the walls of ancient Troy. Friends and enemies alike are met with cold distance, remote courtesy, and distrust.

In these times I realize the stupidity that comes with treating pain and loneliness with isolation, but in the traditions of standing strong...I do it anyway...define insanity?

It's also during these times that I find that the walls and isolation I build between myself and my fellow 'man' begin to extend to between G-d and myself. This self imposed exile begins to interfere with G-d and His ability to take care of me, to hear me, to succor and comfort...since I'm off "being strong" and "independent" and "self-sufficient".

In time something else will come along some small thing, whether good or ill that will fell those unbreachable walls, as a small stone from David's sling felled Goliath, and I slowly enter society again, hesitant, skittish, stepping solely in faith that life and humanity (or what's left of it) will at least hold it's attack to the usual roar instead of the cacophany of delerium it often presents.

But as now...I remember: For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God...and once again live in the light of Hope.