Anyone else get this way? (somewhat of a vent)

HolyOne87 · #1 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 06:05 PM

I've been single for almost a year(it feels way longer since the last guy i dated didn't have feelings for me what so ever--he only wanted me to try and force me into having sex with him--which never happened--I stayed true to my beliefs and morals), and for the most part, I was pretty content with it. It gave me time to hang with friends and stuff like that.

But more recently, I would get into some weird mood that makes me want to push myself to find someone and get to know more male people in hopes of finding someone right for me.

Sometimes I pray and hope that God enters a few people just for me to get to know, so I don't feel like I might be undesirable to males.

It upsets me at times because I feel like I am undesirable or not that attractive enough for a guy.

Not too sure where I am headed in this post anymore.
I guess any thoughts/feelings/advice would be helpful for I do not know what to do. I hate being in this mood. Usually i am never this way. I am usually very happy and cheerful...:confused:

:help:

alfrodull · #2 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 07:57 PM

Assuming your username is your birth-year, you are my age. And you know what? I've never actually been in a committed relationship. So at least you have a one-up on me. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but at least your above someone on the normal scale.

The mood you describe has quite literally been the entirety of my existence for the past year or so. My first advice to you would be to lower your standards a little bit. I see all these gorgeous girls who complain about not being able to find a boyfriend yet turn down everyone they don't find drop-dead handsome. If that doesn't work...Well, some people, like me, really aren't desirable. I guess that's where faith in God's plan comes in.

oncewaslost · #3 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 08:49 PM

hey, i've lowered my standards once and got burned. i would not suggest such a thing. as long as you're not trying to find a saint in a body fit for hollywood, i wouldn't lower my standards.

i've been single for 7 years now with no prospects. the urge to find someone who will give you attention comes and goes. sometimes it's worse than others. it's normal. do something to take your mind off it. that's about all the advice i can give since everyone deals with it differently.

notwalkingalone · #4 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 10:26 PM

I've been single for three years. My desire for a relationship is not immense since I have seen many of my friends get in trouble with them. I would suggest you focus more in Christ and working on yourself rather than focusing on relationships. Yes, most people desire a relationship but it shouldn't be the center point of our life.

Soccerdad66 · #5 (**permalink**) 09-10-2007, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HolyOne87

Sometimes I pray and hope that God enters a few people just for me to get to know, so I don't feel like I might be undesirable to males.

It upsets me at times because I feel like I am undesirable or not that attractive enough for a guy.

Not too sure where I am headed in this post anymore.
I guess any thoughts/feelings/advice would be helpful for I do not know what to do. I hate being in this mood. Usually i am never this way. I am usually very happy and cheerful...:confused:

:help:

I've known several attractive women who've felt this way, and honestly, if the wrong guys see this, they will try and take advantage of that. Doing the right thing is never a mistake, even if you don't see the benefit right away.

I've felt that way myself. In time, it should pass. God might be using this time to build character and strength.

puffca · #6 (**permalink**) 09-11-2007, 02:30 AM

When I was your age, there were only two things in my mind. One is my study. I was taking GRE in order to get a decent position in applying a U.S. graduate school; Another is a girl that I had a crush since middle school.

The results: I got a nice score and came to the U.S., and I chose not to tell the girl my feelings for her.

It was hard. It took me two years to totally get over the one-side relationship. We emailed each other back and forth and talked about many things, but I'm glad I didn't confess my infatuation with her. She had no interest of living in another country for years. And, if a relationship is not possible, I'd rather not to start it.

I find the following verse very interesting (I don't read Song of Songs, but somehow from somewhere I read this verse and then checked it out from the Bible):
SS2:7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Well, not having any commited relationship myself, maybe I'm not the right person to give any advice. You are not asking for advice anyway. This is just my share of vent (about the things that I think I did right).

EgonTowst · #7 (**permalink**) 09-11-2007, 03:50 AM

It can be very hard at times being single. But in all honesty, if we are too upset with being single, we aren't ready for a relationship. I've been single for almost a year now and I'm a very lonely guy as it is, so I can certainly relate to how you feel. But our time being single is one of the most important times of our lives I think. It's one of the greatest times to grow close to God alone. If we are too concerned with having someone else as well in order to be happy, that's like telling God that we want more than Him. We first have to give our all to God and learn to trust and be fulfilled in Him fully. As we grow and our concern becomes focused on God's will, whatever it may be, things will fall into place when the time is right. God wants to prepare us for our future spouses so that we can be the best husbands and wives that we possibly can be for them. But that first requires a total devotion toward Him in all that we do and think, which becomes much more difficult if we are devoted to another person before reaching that point of maturity. God gave Eve to Adam because He said it was not good for the man to be lonely. But He didn't do so until after Adam was already focused on doing what God had commanded him to do. I'm not speaking to the OP specifically or trying to imply that we may not be focused on God, but if we're hoping for specific things more than we hope for God's will to be done, we're simply not ready for a relationship. So don't be discouraged about it. It's tough being lonely, but just focus on God and doing His will and when the time is right and you've been prepared for each other it will happen.

NeverAlone · #8 (**permalink**) 09-20-2007, 06:46 PM

I'm 19 and never been kissed. It frustrates me like crazy sometimes that I've never had a boyfriend. Especially when I have friends who are engaged or married or already married and pregnant. It does make you feel kind of lonely. But I'm coming to realize, that God isn't going to let me have an intimate/romantic relationship with someone down here until I am where I should be with him. Also, just looking seems to keep it from happening to. You just have to leave the whole situation in God's hands and trust that it will happen when it is supposed to.

silentpoet · #9 (**permalink**) 09-20-2007, 07:09 PM

I know the feeling about feeling unattractive because I am alone. It is hard when you are not quite made for this single life and it is not really God's perfect will that you be. One thing that has helped me is the realization that God has not called me to this state. When I thought that I had a real low opinion of God. But now I realize that even though the devil may scheme and lie to us, our Lord is triumphant even over the dark spots of our lives. I would work real hard at recognizing the truth of God and His promises. Once you have a handle on that, then work hard at recognizing the lies the devil will try to get you to believe. Recognizing those lies and defeating them is busy work. I don't know how many times a day I fight lies.

One truth I do know, if God puts your worth and value at His son on the cross you are probably pretty special to Him. Now if you attract the God of Heaven so strongly, a mere human man should not be able to contain himself. At least when it is the right man for you.

NeverAlone · #10 (**permalink**) 09-22-2007, 07:01 AM

I don't know if this will help or not. Its something my best friend tells me whenever I feel down. She always says, wait and hope. Though, she said it to me in spanish. Espero y espero.

Turns out, several different languages, the word that is used for the verbs "to wait" and "to hope" are the same. In spanish its Esperar for both of them.

God tied the two together for a purpose. Whenever I pray that he'll just hurry up and bring me an SO so I won't be left out, i hear him say "wait" and because of my best friend, when he says "wait" I can hear him say "hope" at the same time.

God works on his own clock. Whenever we try to rush him to work on ours, his clock tends to slow down. He had no problem making you wander for 40 years til you learn to just give it up to Him.