just friends?

Annie · #1 (**permalink**) 08-03-2008, 04:45 PM

what do you guys think? is it all right to have friends of the opposite sex while you're in a relationship?

raddmadd · #2 (**permalink**) 08-04-2008, 05:40 PM

Yes, of course. If you can't trust the one you are in the relationship with around people of the opposite sex, then that's just a problem itself. You should hopefully be able to trust them, if they did something to make you not trust them you might want to think about whether you should be in a relationship with them or not

Personally for me, I have friends who are girls that I would never date, even the ones I'm attracted to. So I guess that's how I would see it if I had a girlfriend and she had guy friends. lol.

oncewaslost · #3 (**permalink**) 08-05-2008, 12:43 AM

i don't think my guys friends would appreciate it if i just blew them off because i was dating someone. i'm not romantically attracted to any of my guy friends... with the exception of one but that's neither here nor there.

Annie · #4 (**permalink**) 08-05-2008, 06:30 AM

so its safe to say you two would feel comfortable dating a significant other who had good friends of the opposite sex? what about having best friends who are of the opposite sex?

Timothy · #5 (**permalink**) 08-05-2008, 04:14 PM

I think that if it's a problem, then there are some serious trust issues. My closest friends are both male and female--my best friend for years was a girl, and she's still one of my dearest friends (and if she didn't live a couple of continents away, I would still be seeing her daily, probably...) and I spend a lot of time with girls. A couple of my younger female friends treat me like an older brother and tell me things and talk to me about issues that they're not comfortable talking about with their parents or their friends and that's an important part of being an older Christian teen/young adult. In recent years I've found myself led to take Paul's instruction to Timothy to treat younger women as sisters seriously, which means taking an interest in them and being open to listen to them and a shoulder to cry on when needed.

If I was in a relationship and that was a problem with my 'relationshipee' or whatever the word is, I'm afraid I wouldn't be interested in pursuing that relationship any further, because if she can't trust me with girls who are good friends now when we're not married, she won't be ever able to trust me if we were married--and I'm planning on working in education, where the majority of my colleagues will be women. I do honestly believe that it is possible to be good friends without being in a relationship. There may well be attraction--which frequently needs dealing with and discussing, from my own experience, so you can get on with your friendship easily--and if you're really lucky, it may become a strong relationship. But I tend to find girls and guys who only have friends and only associate with their own gender vapid and ineffectual people who I have no interest in, if it was a problem, that would be a relationship-breaker, for me.

oncewaslost · #6 (**permalink**) 08-06-2008, 04:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie

so its safe to say you two would feel comfortable dating a significant other who had good friends of the opposite sex? what about having best friends who are of the opposite sex?

i'm all for best friends of the opposite sex. i love my guy friends. i'm not really that self-conscious about who my significant other is friends with.

Mr.Dude · #7 (**permalink**) 08-06-2008, 09:06 AM

quite honestly, my girlfriend would have to put up with alot in this category. Honestly, most of my friends are girls. And some of my bestest friends... are girls. so yeahs.

that's my lil thought for yall.

blessed and forgiven · #8 (**permalink**) 08-15-2008, 01:44 AM

I think it's not a good idea, you can get lead into wrong actions, especially if you're in a committed relationship. I'm also more than twice the age of the oldest of you. Just chalk it up to experience.

NeverAlone · #9 (**permalink**) 08-22-2008, 10:00 PM

Well...i've never been in a relationship so I can't say from too much experience on the topic. But I think that having friends with the opposite sex is fine. Some of my closest friends are boys because I can't stand how catty girls are. I put one stipulation on myself however when it comes to my guy friends, I never do anything 1:1 with them. That is very awkward for me and I feel it puts a lot of pressure on the friendship as well. It will however go out with groups of guys but only if I trust the guys and they've already proven themselves to be truely godly males. I would NEVER go hang out with a group of guys where I only know one other person.

Annie · #10 (**permalink**) 08-23-2008, 01:05 AM

very interesting replies

personally i don't have any problem with the idea of having friends of the opposite sex, (i personally get along better with guys than girls anyhow) the only thing i wouldn't allow for myself or be comfortable with in an SO is having a best friend of the opposite sex since i am a firm believer in the one you're actually in a relationship with should be your best friend. i think it'd only be too easy to undermine the relationship if there was a third or fourth person involved in such an intimate way.

at least thats my .02 hehe