My Testimony

angelkiss · #1 (**permalink**) 06-13-2007, 05:19 PM

My life in a nutshell has been far from ordinary, and God has spared my life on a few different occasions. The one eye-opener that led me to Him was............crystal meth.
I never did drugs much, and was more of a drinker than anything, but there was a time in my life where I was in an extremely abusive relationship with a dealer. I smoked my share of weed, and was content with just that. That was the one way I could put a smile on my face at the time. My ex (the dealer) started dealing in the harder drugs and wanted me to do some of it with him and some friends. I thought, why not? What have I got to lose? Life stinks, I'm miserable and if it makes me smile, I'm game. After doing 5 lines and smoking two and a half sheets within a 24 hour period.........I realized real quick I had more to lose than I thought. My skin grew very pale and clammy, my lips were blue and I couldn't breath. My heart felt as though it was about to leap right out of my chest at any given moment.
My ex was trying to get me to do another line, and I knew that something bad was going wrong.
I had been under conviction for about 4 months and I was miserable with my lifestyle (that I was so not used to living) and the relationship was getting more dangerous by the day. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I looked like death in the making. I was barely 95 lbs. My eyes were sunken, I was pale and looked so old. (I didn't eat much cause my ex took his "profit" money and put back into the drugs that he used.Drugs was his first priority. Eating was his next to the last priority. I was the the very last priority. As I stood there and stared at the "creature" looking back at me, I began to sob on the inside.
I walked back into the room and looked at the white line that was waiting for me, then I looked up at my ex. God spoke to me and told me if I did that line I would surely die. I told my ex that I didn't want anything more to do with it. I told him it was killing me and I valued life more than that. He looked up at me with his blue lips and told me that I was just wigging. I knew better. God was dealing with me and this was my last chance. It was my choice. Take it or leave it. I told God that if he would just let me live through the night and get me out of the life I was living, I'd live my life for Him. Two days later, I found my way back home. That saturday night, me and my parents went to our little country church and I bowed at the alter and screamed out to God to forgive me. Satan was trying to intervene at that moment and kept telling me that God would never forgive me of all I'd done in life. It was as if I had the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. (Like in the cartoons) I was so heartbroken and was so fearful that God didn't want me. The congregation prayed with me three times. Then, I heard my momma's angelic voice in my ear and she told me that God did want me or I wouldn't be at that alter. He was calling out to me, I just had to forgive myself for He had already forgiven me. I lifted my hand toward Heaven and the most amazing feeling came over me and I began thanking God over and over and over.
That was a little over 4 years ago. I surely make my share of mistakes and am not worthy of God's mercy and compassion. But, I can surely say that God is in my life and He is truly AMAZING!!
Hugs and Angelkisses to all!