I believe I have failed as a parent, my daughter is gay.

TrinityLives · #21 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JennForDelano

Thank you for the help, but more problems have arisen

I told my daughter that she can no longer go to these school meetings promoting homosexuality and other..things, but she basically told me to bug off and said there's nothing I can do about it. And at the moment there is not...also, she just came home with a Book of Shadows. Do any of you know what the heck that is? Is it a book promoting satan or something? I can only guess from the Shadows title...

OH There is plenty you can do. Take away all luxuries. Anything YOU pay for that is not necessary to her life.
Phones, games, time with friends, etc. The problem may be that she is thinking she runs things and she needs a dose of reality. In the real world that is approaching things are not free or a given. If she can not respect you, then you take away things from her. If she needs to be picked up from these meetings, do not let her go because no one can pick her up.

You have the power and control while she is on your payroll... Be strong, its soooo hard, but God has said to not spare the Rod..... Its our job , sadly, to be tough and loving all in one

JennForDelano · #22 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 09:33 AM

Quote:

OH There is plenty you can do. Take away all luxuries. Anything YOU pay for that is not necessary to her life.
Phones, games, time with friends, etc. The problem may be that she is thinking she runs things and she needs a dose of reality. In the real world that is approaching things are not free or a given. If she can not respect you, then you take away things from her. If she needs to be picked up from these meetings, do not let her go because no one can pick her up.

Can I really take away everything from her?

As for the meetings, she just walks home, but most of the time she doesn't even come straight home. She has a few times came home after 12 AM.

Quote:

You have the power and control while she is on your payroll... Be strong, its soooo hard, but God has said to not spare the Rod..... Its our job , sadly, to be tough and loving all in one

I will be.

RestoreTheRiver · #23 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 02:29 PM

May I ask two questions:

What is your husband's take on, and approach to, this situation with your daughter?

Is Christianity still fairly new to you, and to your family?

Naturally, you don't need to share this information if you don't want to do so. Either way, I'll continue to pray for you, and offer whatever resources and encouragement I can. Clearly, others here will too. God will see you and your family through this!

Michael

under His wings · #24 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 03:13 PM

Her school is bullying you by saying that you are a bigot and blackmailing you with such talk. She has been convinced by others that you can't do anything about her activities but that is a lie. Are there no private Christian schools in your area? Is there a relative that could be helpful? This is beyond her testing her boundaries to see what you will do, she is in absolute defiance right now. There is plenty you can do, the law says so as she is still a minor. Are there drugs or alcohol involved. If so, call the police. You have got to get tough now to save your daughter. She is thinking about today only, you have to think about her entire future. I will be praying, wish I could help more.

TrinityLives · #25 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 05:01 PM

Here is an organization that will be more then HAPPY to help you contact the school and stick up for you

http://www.aclj.org/

My Oldest Step, she was on the playground during recess having a friendly discussion with another child who believes about God an Easter. A yard duty teacher came up to her and told her she couldn't talk about that and if she continued she would be sent to the Office.

I called the people listed above and they were right on it!

That yard duty got talked to and we got an apology..

You have many rights don't let anyone tell you otherwise......

JennForDelano · #26 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 07:04 PM

Quote:

What is your husband's take on, and approach to, this situation with your daughter?

Oh..I'm not married. Do you mean what is her fathers take on this?

Quote:

Is Christianity still fairly new to you, and to your family?

No, I've been a Christian myself for over 20 years.

JennForDelano · #27 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Her school is bullying you by saying that you are a bigot and blackmailing you with such talk. She has been convinced by others that you can't do anything about her activities but that is a lie. Are there no private Christian schools in your area?

I have no idea..I live in Garden Grove, and I've never seen any. Would a private Christian school have none of these influences, like gay meetings and such?

Quote:

Is there a relative that could be helpful?

I, myself have no relatives that are still alive as far as I know.

Quote:

This is beyond her testing her boundaries to see what you will do, she is in absolute defiance right now. There is plenty you can do, the law says so as she is still a minor. Are there drugs or alcohol involved. If so, call the police.

No, there's no drugs or alcohol in our house. I don't even drink or smoke.

Quote:

You have got to get tough now to save your daughter. She is thinking about today only, you have to think about her entire future. I will be praying, wish I could help more.

She spat in my face when I asked her yesterday why she was out all night. Should I be tough with that?

TrinityLives · #28 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 07:50 PM

She spat in my face when I asked her yesterday why she was out all night. Should I be tough with that?

R U kidding? Absolutely!!! MY Step Girls know that their life would be close to being cut short if they even THOUGHT of doing that. Society has taught a wrong message to our kids. They are not in control of anything.
You have to establish some boundries if you don't your doing her a disservice and God has instructed us to not spare the Rod with our kids.
If you allow her to think that she is the boss in this little of a world, when she gets out on her own she is going to be destructive to a lot of people.
I am not saying your being a bad parent, not at all. But I think you should consider taking away privelages and showing her who is the boss in that home. She can not disrespect you in your house....

JennForDelano · #29 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 08:04 PM

Not sparring the rod has never been discussed at my church as far as I know, does that mean hitting my daughter? I don't think I could ever do that...

RestoreTheRiver · #30 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 09:33 PM

Going back to the questions I raised above, is your ex-husband active in your daughter's life? If so, is he concerned about these developments? It could help if he expressed the same loving and firm concern that you are.

I totally agree with Trinity on basic respect, regardless of what your daughter currently believes. The consequences for a lack of respect need not be physical. But, there must be consequences. You are in charge, not your daughter. She couldn't treat anyone else the way she's treating you, without severe consequences. Whatever means you use, get the absolute, basic, bottom line necessity for basic respect established, today.

Michael