The Man's Family or the Woman's Family?

[ThenThereWasRED]

I don't remember where but I've read stats to say, the mother of the husband usually causes more problems in a couple's marriage than her own mother. I think the husband has a lot to do with it on how he acts and reacts to family too.
My dad has said, he could live in the same house with my mom's side but couldn't live in the same town with his own family. My dad's mom gives unwanted advise and expects it to be done no matter if my parents agree or not. No person was good enough in my grandmother's eyes it seemed for her son. My grandmother is also jealous of my family spending any time with my mom's side and not staying the whole time with them when we visit. We live 400 miles away from both sides. When we do visit with them my dad doesn't do a whole lot of talking (being social with them) and my mom feels like she has to be the *social* one with his family. It makes it hard sometimes on her and makes her not want to visit much cause of it. My grandmother & dad's sister has always show partiality between my brother & me and it made me not want to spend a whole lot of time there either. My mom has been the one to reach out first no matter what happened or what was said and encouraged me to do the same. We try to make the best of not so good situations for the short visit times even when it's not easy and we would rather not sometimes.

[spiersdodgerblue]

We see his more . They stress me out. You got the catholic brother and sister in-law, you got the mother in-law, who don't think she needs to go to church and be in fellowship with other believers. And then you got the sister, who has hate dripping off her tongue, she says she is a Christian and yet, she reads those fortune card, what ever they are called I forgot. And every church she has ever been to has been wrong. (alrighty then) And then you have all of their off spring, and they are not to far from their parents.
And then you have me and my husband and kids (young adults). We are faaaaaaaaaar from perfect, we are the first to admit this. But we are all followers of Jesus and very involve members of a Southern Baptist Church. and when we go down to his family's house we go to do a Bible study with them. it's insane. and by the end of the weekend the "baptist" (me and mine) are all brain washed and blind. Good figure!

It takes all we have to keep our mouths in check. We refuse to has regret in our hearts due to lack of control and compassion. It's a long drive home hahaha

[s4bush]

Ours is equal as much as it can be with my parents living 8 hours away. I talk to my parents on the phone a lot, but we see my husbands parents alot b/c they live right down the road. I believe if my parents were close, we would spend more time with them b/c they would want to see the kids a lot more. My in laws enjoy their peace and quiet, and with three kids under the age of 4, you don't get much peace and quiet when they're around. I agree with youngmom4, the husbands are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to his wife, but the wife too is supposed to cling to her husband. There should be a good balance between families, considering the distance obstacles.

[youngmom4]

Originally Posted by s4bush

Ours is equal as much as it can be with my parents living 8 hours away. I talk to my parents on the phone a lot, but we see my husbands parents alot b/c they live right down the road. I believe if my parents were close, we would spend more time with them b/c they would want to see the kids a lot more. My in laws enjoy their peace and quiet, and with three kids under the age of 4, you don't get much peace and quiet when they're around. I agree with youngmom4, the husbands are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to his wife, but the wife too is supposed to cling to her husband. There should be a good balance between families, considering the distance obstacles.

Aww...thanks! It's kind of the opposite with us...my mom lives closer, but the in-laws would spend much more time with the kids if they lived as close as she does. My mom enjoys peace and quiet too much to spend much time with my rowdy bunch, but hubby's parents really miss them and wish they could see them more. Just an update...they came to see us for Christmas and we all actually got along really well. I think moving a good distance away accomplished exactly what we wanted it to...they realize now what they're missing out on because they tried to destroy our relationship. They seem more resigned to the fact that we are going to stay married and more determined to make the best of that situation. I think they have also realized that DH's daughter belongs with us because she is his child and their grandchild. So,now, they can come spoil all the kids and leave and go home and not have to deal with the results of spoiling them. :funny:

[TrinityLives]

i havent read all the responses but I do want to echo that I think this is a great insight especially from someone still in their teen years.

I too have noticed among my friends that even when there is no major dysfunction they tend to lean on going to the females side. I am not a good person to ask because growing up my Dads side didn't like my mom so I saw primarily her side.
My side is highly dysfunctional so in my first marriage I lived at my in laws every weekend it seemed.
In this marriage neither of us have any family around us. So all our holidays are spent with freinds mainly.( His parents are deceased and siblings are in the midwest and east coast) ( MY father is past I have no relationship with my mother or my siblings)

But I do agree with your observation so there is my penny!

[Mskedi]

We spend more time with my husband's family, but that's because my family's schedule is totally at odds with mine. If not for that, it would probably be equal.