The Man's Family or the Woman's Family?

Broken Chains · #1 (**permalink**) 10-11-2007, 04:36 PM

This is coming a lot from observation of my family, as well as other peoples families. I'm just noticing that GENERALLY it seems like the wife's family gets favored over the husband's in a lot of cases. When I say "favored" I mean the couple go and visit with his wife's family more often than the husband gets to be with his family. (Sorry if I'm not making sense). It seems a lot of times, the man almost gets guilted into it, and next thing you know they're once again not spending Christmas with his side of the family, but hers.

Now, I'm sure this isn't always the case...but the reason I bring it up is this. Doesn't it say in the Bible that the woman will leave her family and join her husband, and they will become one flesh? Not to mention in most cases the woman also takes on the man's last name as well...so basically she's being brought into his family. Yet in this day and age, it seems likes his family gets shoved to the side more often than hers.

So in your opinion as far as your marriage goes...are things equal? Or is one side of the family more favored than the other? If you aren't married, you can answer this question from observing your parents marriage

God Bless,
Joshua

under His wings · #2 (**permalink**) 10-11-2007, 04:52 PM

It is somewhat equal but really goes more towards my husbands family. Alot of things are taken into consideration, our children are the only grandchildren on his side, my parents have five other grandchildren, his parents are more actively calling us and inviting us to be with them, his parents don't enjoy time for just the two of them...they want their children to do everything with them, my parents enjoy their married time and will go on trips without all of us...they always have, his parents enjoy outings more than my parents (mine will just sit home more often), my parents are easy to get along with but one sibling is not. My kids spend more time with my husband's parents, they live on a lake and there is more to do there. I would say we were both successful at leaving our families and cleaving to one another, however, as time goes on and children are born you realize that you want to have your families actively participating in your lives.

Our holidays are always split between the two families, no matter how difficult it is and we all (us and parents)attend the same church and sit together each Sunday then we tend to all go to dinner together.

Annie · #3 (**permalink**) 10-11-2007, 06:31 PM

when we were younger my mother's sister and her family and her father lived closest to us out of anyone in the family so it was only natural that we should spend more time with them. when we moved out west it was my my mother's brother and his family (and my grandfather since he moved to be closer to us when his health started failing) that lived closest to us so again naturally we spent more time with them.

my dad's side of the family lives on the other side of the country so we really only get to see them once every few years. but to be perfectly honest they seem content with that and it is my mom's side of the family that acts more interested in spending time with us anyways. i don't think that has much to do with leaving and cleaving though it's just how things worked out. my mom's side is pretty big so that side is pretty family oriented. My dad's side is actually pretty small and close knit and they never really got to know my mom, brother or me very well and vice versa which makes reaching out quite a bit harder.

i just hope when i have a family of my own we'll find a good balance so my kids can get to know both sides of the family, which will be tough if i marry my bf since all my family are in Canada and all his are in the USA. So i dunno... maybe we'll just move to Scotland and make both sides come and visit us

Gwenyfur · #4 (**permalink**) 10-11-2007, 08:10 PM

Well I chose hubby's...even though we do see them less...

his family is scattered from CT to UT....but we talk to them more and correspond...they're nice...

my family? they mostly live within 20 miles except my dad's side they're in OH...but my local family...
well...makes the average "dysfunctional" family look like the Cleavers...

the one exception is my gramma...she's sweet and wise....the rest of 'em are just....
well....in need of more than therapy and medication heh...

OracleX · #5 (**permalink**) 10-13-2007, 04:29 PM

I am the black sheep of my family so I almost never see them except big family things. Even then they schedule them on days my wife and I work so we don't always get to them. Geographically my family is much closer but as for our relationship it is in another timezone.

My wife's parent's however are over lots and have a very good relationship with them.

kissingfish · #6 (**permalink**) 10-13-2007, 09:06 PM

Wow, what an astute question for a 17 year old! I am not much older than you but that question really hits home. As I have mentioned in some other posts I was close to marrying a man...but his family got in the way. If I had married him I could imagine we would have stayed much closer to my family. Like a PP mentioned about her family, HIS family made dysfunctional look like a better alternative! I think leave and cleave really means something special. It is putting your priorities-for YOUR new family in the forfront and working your extended family into your network as closely or loosely as they need to be. If some one has a good, strong family that is healthy and supportive there is no problem in my mind to involve in your life...just not in every second. minute, hour, and decision. On the flip side, if some one has a more dysfunctional, destructive and deceptive family--keeping them more at a distance and praying A LOT for them seems to be the best way to do things.
I just hope when I meet "the one" that he will have as supportive and loving a family as I have. Maybe that is something to look for in a mate...but I guess that would be another thread entirely. I trust in Jesus to guide me to where I am supposed to be and teach me along the way.

youngmom4 · #7 (**permalink**) 10-16-2007, 05:31 AM

Actually, Genesis 2:24 says For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

So, what that speaks to me is (:clap2

the man should leave his family! :funny: Seriously, though, it really should be an equal split whenever that is possible. With us, we live closer to my mother, but my father and my in-laws are about equal distance away, though in opposite directions. We are getting ready to move this summer probably, and we will be about equi-distant from my mother and my in-laws, and my father will be a little farther away. We don't determine where to live based on where either of our family is, though. We try to make our decisions based on what we feel like God is telling us to do and what will be best for our family. My in-laws have caused problems between us in the past, so we probably will not get too close to them. My husband and I are determined not to let anyone interfere in our marriage. Because of that, we are more likely to visit my family, who doesn't try to split us up. We go see his parents when we feel truly prayed up and ready to deal with them for a whole two days..ahhhhhhhh!

Jenniewren · #8 (**permalink**) 10-23-2007, 09:00 AM

We really have no choice because my Husband's family live in Scotland and mine live in Australia. Obvioulsy when we lived in Scotland we saw them and now we are living in Australia we see mine. The good part is that there is no choice to be made about who to spend Christmas with. We have had some lovely visits and we exchange a lot of phonecalls. It would be nice if the children could see more of their Scottish Grandmother as she is 80.

lin1235 · #9 (**permalink**) 11-08-2007, 02:48 PM

We definitely go to more trouble with his family. My parents are in town, and can see dd as much as they want (although I'm sometimes confused about why they don't make more trouble). Dh's family lives an hour away by plane, 8 by car, and so it's more trouble and more of an event when we do see them. Our parenting philosophy is also more like dh's family's. But we are really close with both, so I suppose it's more or less equal. We take turns wrt Christmas and so on.

oncewaslost · #10 (**permalink**) 11-08-2007, 07:27 PM

my father's family really didn't care whether they saw us or not. i did see my paternal grandparents every thanksgiving though (we didn't usually travel during the christmas season). we usually spent the holiday with my mother's sister and her inlaws. which is odd now that i think about it. my aunt, with the exception of my family, spent every holiday with her husband's family. my father's family is a little.... cold. i also have no cousins on that side so the adults didn't appreciate 4 kids fairly close in age running around being kids. anyway, i have no paternal grandparents any more and my aunts and uncles don't give us the time of day so.... it's holidays with the maternal side! then i have a crazy aunt (she's not really crazy crazy just... umm... sensitive) so my maternal grandparents cater to her needs and wants which leaves my family and my other aunt and her family to ourselves most of the year. but that's neither here nor there.

there is a saying that i've heard frequently. i don't know if anyone else has heard it before or not. but it goes "a son's a son until he takes a wife. a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life."