Things that make you go..."hhmmm"

[murron]

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So, I read this article and I thought "well written, slightly witty, intereting (and understandable) dilema". Right up to the last few paragraphs I could empathetically relate to what the author was saying. But, then she lost me.

Her dilema was growing up with a (in her view) horrible last name and waiting for the day she got married and could take her husband's last name instead of her own.

The opportunity finally arrived for her, at the age of 35, and she's decided not to take her husband's last name because she's developed a sense of pride in her own last name.

Now, when I got to that part, my empathy ended, but it wasn't until the very last sentence that the bell went off in my head. The author managed to work in a play on words in the form of a standard part of marrigae vows.

So, as I closed out the article the "hhmmm" struck me. Isn't marriage about two becoming one? How can two become one if both parties have different last names? Or perhaps, how "one-ish" can they be if they strive to have separate identities (not to be confused with the temporal 'individual' which we are always physically going to be)?

I don't know, perhaps it's just me...but I have no problem seeing myself in relation to my husband and how we make a 'single unit' together. Sure, I'm my own individual, but it's the "together" part that makes our marriage. Would clinging too tightly to the 'individual' inside set up a union for failure?

Is this a trend? Is this yet another sign of Christian value being eroded from the sanctity of marriage?

Hhmmm...

[RestoreTheRiver]

I believe it is a trend, and one more example of the disease of individualism that is so prevasive in our society. The root of this disease is selfishness, and insecurity. When we push God out, we have less and less connection to God, others, and ourselves. So, we try harder and harder to hang on to less and less...

This is especially tragic because the only way to be truly ourselves is in relationship...to participate in the Life and Love of God, from which, and in which, all human relationships flow. Perhaps this is a part of what Jesus meant when He said that only those who lose their lives will find them.


Michael

[youngmom4]

Oh...this is one of my favorite topics! :clap2: In fact, this is why I started seeking out Christian message boards a little over a year ago. They have a thread concerning this on the lifetimetv.com discussion boards, and I got so disgusted with people arguing that a woman loses her identity if she takes her husband's name. I just don't see it. I proudly took my husband's name, and I am still me! I feel so happy that he loved me enough to want me to have his name! Why can't women these days take pride in the fact that a man loves them enough to offer the most valuable possession he has...his name? Has anybody heard the Dierks Bentley song My Last Name ? It is a really cool song about this very topic. It just makes me that women today are so much more worried about being independent than having a good husband who leads the home as God says he should.

[Jenniewren]

I did not want to change my name when I married because I have the same Christian name as my Mother in Law. She was the one who first commented on this when we became engaged and announced " Good, I'll be able to read all your mail".
After a while I realised how silly I was being (we didn't even live with her). I was married to him, why would I want a different name? Then one day I realised that when we had children I hardly wanted to have a different sirname to them. Has anyone considered that point? Often a divorced women will keep the ex husbands name for that reason.

[free4all]

Originally Posted by murron

Would clinging too tightly to the 'individual' inside set up a union for failure?

I believe so. I see it in other areas also, not only in clinging to one's last name. I see it in some instances of a mate refusing to share their body with their mate, and I also see it when someone uses the phrase "my money" as opposed to "our money."

On a side note, I've heard of some culture in Europe where the wife keeps her last name. I don't remember if the husband changed his last name to hers or not.

On another side note, when I was growing up, it seemed the only women who refused to accept their husband's last name were radical feminists. So I would have refused to marry a woman who refused to accept my last name because I would have viewed it as an indicator of a much broader issue. I realize times have changed, and I'm not saying anyone who refuses to change her last name is a jezebel. But when I grew up in the U.S. midwest 30 years ago, that seemed to apply more often than not.

[Angel4Truth]

I was honored to take my husbands name - its kind of like when Christ will give us a new name , another image of the relationship between God and man with the marriage. Us being the bride and He the bridegroom.

[Onomatopoeia]

This is a topic that I tend to get irked over. I too don't quite understand the argument that a woman somehow 'loses' her identity in taking her husband's name when they marry. I would venture to say that if one's identity can be lost in a simple change of last name, that's not much of an identity, is it?

The other problem I always see with that, is that generally in those situations, the children usually have the father's name, or get weighted down with a long hyphenated combination of both parents name. Personally, I would hate for my children to have a different last name from me while they were growing up, and I think it's unfair for a child to deal with a long hyphenated last name just because the parents have different names. I've actually heard of situations of giving the girls mom's name, and the boy's dad's name,...I find that to be an awful practice.

I understand keeping your name when you're known by it professionally, but in that instance I would still take my husband's name legally and to use in my personal life.

[BeautifulChange]

i guess i am the only one that opposes a name change, in here. I love my name. My mom gave me her last name and i plan on keeping it. I don't mind hyphenation in the future. But i definitely rather have no name changes.

[Jenniewren]

[QUOTEI understand keeping your name when you're known by it professionally, but in that instance I would still take my husband's name legally and to use in my personal life.
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][/quote]

I have a friend who tried to do this because she kept her own name as "Dr ..." In the end she found the changing about and remembering who knew her by what name to complicated. I don't have a problem with professional women keeping their own name.

[lin1235]

I reckon God gave me as fully to my husband on our wedding day as he did to my parents when I was born. So initially I got my parents' name because I was theirs, and now my husband and I belong to each other. Only makes sense for us to have the same name.